Preparing Eggs For WAM
I know it’s more expensive, but it's not that much more when you consider how much WAM costs in general. Please only use high welfare eggs. Free range eggs from happy hens who have not been mistreated just for you to go and shove the result of their suffering in your undies or over your head.
If battery eggs are all someone can afford for nutrition/protein in their diet that's fair enough, but if you can’t afford high welfare eggs for your splosh session then it isn't going to do you any physical harm to either save up, or use some slimy alternatives. Don't encourage the cheap egg industry.
For alternatives and a cheap, large volume of slimy mess akin to eggs, I suggest cheap gunge/slime, xanthan gum, etc. You could try adding tapioca pearls to slime, gunge or slube for the same slimy effect as eggs. Orbeez would work too if you don't mind it not being edible.
Eggs are available in supermarkets in boxes still in their shells, or sometimes in cartons of gloopy ready mixed eggs, and egg whites.
Be Careful!
You must pre-crack all eggs at least slightly before trying to smash them onto someone's head - they are surprisingly strong and really hurt otherwise!
Just give them a knock onto a sharp edge and put them back in the box ready to use.
Have a bin ready to put the shells in as you go, you don’t want shells getting mixed up in your leftovers.
Alternately, crack them all into a bowl or jug, discard the shells and you’re done!
Cleaning Up Eggs
Body, Skin & Hair
Removing egg mess from skin is easy but be careful to use water that isn’t hot. You must avoid cooking the egg proteins or you’ll have a pretty terrible time. Use water just above tepid.
As always, I highly recommend those plastic loofahs or bath puffs, made of scrunched up plastic mesh for removing any mess from skin, or a soft bristled body brush. Add lots of warm water and shower gel or soap.
I also recommend having a mirror within your line of sight in the bathroom so you can visually check for any missed areas. Common areas I used to miss were backs of arms, flanks, backs of legs and ankles. Always check every single crevice of your ears too!
Hair
For short haired people
Use tepid water as explained above, and lots of lemon or tea tree shampoo, maybe wash twice if you want to be sure with plenty of shampoo. If any egg gets cooked into your hair, you’ll have to use conditioner and a comb to remove it.
For longer hair
It’s fine to get out of longer hair too, as long as you remember to use tepid water. First of all, stand under the water and let the water rinse the worst off. Use your hands to run over your head and down the length of your hair to feel where the worst is and encourage it along by gently squeezing it out.
Once the worst is gone, shampoo twice. Do this gently though, be careful not to rub it into your hair, rather just keep smoothing down and gently work it in with fingertips. If any egg gets cooked into your hair, you’ll have to use conditioner and a comb to remove it. Apply a ton of conditioner and leave it on for 20 mins or so under a shower cap and then comb through, starting with a wide toothed comb and then use a smaller, tighter/finer one.
Cleaning & Removing Egg From Items & Objects
Buckets & Tools
To clean off buckets you need a hose or tap with cold or tepid water and good water pressure to blast the clinging areas off, and/or a good stiff washing up brush.
Don’t try to do it with your hand or a flannel, you’ll be there all day!
Microfibre cloths are good to get any last bits and help dry the buckets/jugs etc off, but not for the initial washing. Don’t forget the outside of the buckets, bottoms of buckets and under the rims.
Floors
If it’s a carpeted floor then use a microfibre cloth and a little spray of water or clear antibacterial spray. Make sure you don’t use anything with bleach unless you know the carpet is certified for safe bleach use.
For laminate flooring, tile or stone, microfibre cloths are yet again your friend. Same for any splashes that have got onto a wall or door, or door handles etc. If any splashes have dried, soak a microfibre cloth or a few sheets of kitchen roll with your cleaning spray and leave it on top of the dried mess for about 30 minutes. When you return it will just wipe away. If anything is still stuck, soak it again and use your stiff brush.
On most ‘washing up’ brushes, there is a flat side on the bristly head that can be used to scrape without scratching. Dry the area afterwards.
Baths & Showers
Eggs are really slippery so I don't recommend using them in the bath - and also if you forget the tepid rule and use hot water to clean, you'll cook the eggs and block your drains. Sploshing in the bath also means you need to clean the bath before you can get yourself clean, which can get pretty annoying.
Have some drain unfucker on standby just in case, and clean up with washing up liquid and cool/tepid water if you really have to use the bath or shower.
I recommend a pool or inflatable massage mat instead
Cleaning Inflatable Pools
To save the pool
My general pool cleaning advice applies, but with tepid or cold water. Scoop leftovers up into buckets, watering it down and mixing it around to thin it if need be. Then tip it down the drain or flush it down the loo. Then tip a bucket of tepid soapy water into your pool, and give it a good scrub around with a brush.
Now scoop all that out and tip it away or flush the water. Keep the pool inflated the whole time, and clean the sides of the pool with a few microfibre cloths, a soft brush and a cleaning spray. Then with it still inflated, stand it up against a wall and use the cleaning spray and cloths all over it.
Dry the pool thoroughly with towels and kitchen roll and then allow to thoroughly air dry, still inflated, before trying to pack it away. If any moisture remains when you deflate and fold it to store it, it will go mouldy.
I recently wrote an even more in depth guide to pool cleaning with step by step instructions from prep to finish, and my thoughts on wet/dry vacuums and lining the pool with plastic. To read that, go here
If you want to throw away the pool
If you used a small pool and a bucket or less of mess in total, you may be able to simply pop it and put it into a bin bag. If you do this, secure the first bin bag and then add another to be sure of no leaking. I often use three bin bags with this method, and with any other messy things that have to be thrown away.
If you used a large inflatable pool and a large amount of mess, you'll need to scoop out and flush everything before trying to bag it, or it will be too heavy. 10 litres is one bucket, and is the equivalent of 10kg. Even if you are strong enough to lift it easily, you risk the bin bag tearing if the contents are too heavy.
Flushing The Leftovers
If you are connected to a normal waste water system You can flush pretty much everything except oil. If you have a septic tank, please see the separate advice. I have never happened upon a loo that can’t handle mess being flushed down it. If any appears to be blocking the loo, use a sink or bath tap to fill a bucket with water and pour the water from a height on top of the blockage… wiggle around a loo brush too, or even your hand if it comes to it. It shouldn't be much of a problem if you only used eggs though as they will be runny already.
Flush after each bucket, and make sure you give time for the loo tank to refill before expecting it to flush again. Repeat this as necessary and then check after an hour or two that nothing remains in the bottom of the loo. If you are disposing of very thick gunge, it may be better to only half fill your buckets, and mix water into each one so that it becomes runnier and flushes easier.
Septic Tanks
If you have a septic tank, you won’t be able to flush leftovers down the loo. Instead you will need a series of bags, and absorbent puppy pads, or wood pellet cat litter, as much as it takes to absorb all your leftovers. Triple bag it all with very strong bin bags, securing each layer, and take it all to your local tip, to the general waste area.
Washing Eggy Clothes
Wrap them up in a large clean towel or two, or drop them into a clean bucket so they don’t drip on the way to your washing machine. Be mindful of the weight, wet or sploshed clothes are often heavy, so don't overload your machine.
Give them one cold (30 Celsius or less) washing cycle with no laundry liquid, and then another washing cycle or two with the usual amount of laundry liquid and fabric conditioner. You will need biological laundry detergent at least for the first wash cycle.
Underwear, Lingerie, Tights & Stockings
Put tights and lingerie items in zip up mesh laundry bags, separate from each other. It's especially important to keep them separate from bras or anything with clasps or fastenings, as they will get snagged and rip and be difficult to untangle.
You could also keep them separate to hand wash on their own. Bras, teddies, babydoll nighties, basques etc all need their own zip up mesh laundry bags, or like with tights and stockings, keep them separate for thorough hand washing individually.
Shoes
You can wash most shoes in the sink with tepid or cold soapy water as though you were washing dishes. Some shoes like trainers and flat ballet pumps can instead be put into a zip up mesh laundry bag and washed in the washing machine.
To dry shoes, stuff them with newspaper or kitchen paper and leave them somewhere warm, but away from direct heat.
Wigs
For wigs, hand washing is best. Use tepid water if you sploshed with eggs. Be very gentle and use shampoo twice, rinsing each time. Then liberally soak it with hair conditioner and leave it for at least 30 minutes. Brush it out gently with a wet brush - a wet brush is a great invention and is the name of the brand. It's very gentle and good for head hair too.
Rinse thoroughly and wrap it in a towel, then apply pressure to dry it a little, do not rub it. Then keep away from direct heat to dry it, preferably hanging on something rounded to help it keep its shape, like a mannequin head.
Who Am I?
And why do I know stuff?
Well, I'm a UK based WAM producer and sometimes model with 15 years experience. For over 10 of those years I hosted a bonkers amount of wam sessions (3 or 4 a week) and I consider myself very lucky to have been able to do so... however I had to get very good at cleaning up quickly in the fairly small window of privacy I would get, and I had to leave no trace due to living in rented accommodation.
I also had to get inventive with substances and alternatives. I think all my trial and error experiments with WAM now mean there is literally nothing I haven't personally tried and in turn, there's nothing I haven't cleaned up either.
I love when other people go for it and enjoy getting messy, especially if it's because of something I did or said to encourage them. So if you're looking for a sign, this is it.. and with all my articles, I hope to give you the confidence to make your sessions bigger and messier and with a bonus of inner peace, knowing you can easily clean it all up too.
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